


Memories

by lilolilyrae



Series: Down Memory Lane [2]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Andy | Andromache of Scythia Regains Immortality, F/F, Getting Back Together, Immortal Wives Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko, Minor Character(s), POV Andy | Andromache of Scythia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:22:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27290386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilolilyrae/pseuds/lilolilyrae
Summary: What Andromache has remembered and forgotten during her lifetime.Podfic version here!
Relationships: Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko
Series: Down Memory Lane [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2004373
Comments: 5
Kudos: 35
Collections: The Old Guard Femslash Fortnight 2020





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Femslash Fortnight friday prompts: 'they did live, and there was happines' and 'favorite trope'! My fav trope is definitely Andy regaining her immortality (so that fits both prompts), especially this specific way, and I also really like the symbolism of Quynh's necklace for their relationship, as well as the, I guess it is also a trope, thing about the immortals forgetting things because they have simply lived too long to remember it all... That last one rly resonates with me bc with my depression-anxiety-boiled brain I have the memory of a goldfish, so I quite often remember, if anything, just feelings or flashes of past events but nothing specific if I don't rly focus on remembering sth the way you might try to learn sth by heart for an exam... which also makes it hard to differentiate between past events and dreams, yay! #not. Ok rant over, enjoy the fanfic!
> 
> TWs in the end note!

Andromache the Scythian has lived for a long, long time.

So long in fact, that she no longer remembers her own given name.

The passing of centuries and millennia has made her feel both powerful, better than all mortals combined, and weak, a measly little human thrown around by fate, eternity of time.

She doesn’t remember all that has happened in her long life- one can only have so many memories before they get lost, memories only stay clear when you think of them, after all, and there is no way she could reminisce about millenia of memories in the span it takes to forget them.

There are actual, biological reasons for this, she knows: synapses that need to stay connected, a lack of space in the brain to keep quite so many memories intact... it doesn't matter to her. 

She just wishes she had always known how hard it can be to remember, how impossible it would be to get a memory back once it is lost.

After she lost her own name to the centuries, she tries to do better.

She knows she can't keep everything, but the important things, she tries to remember:

The fact that she is human, no matter how different from the rest. That she isn't a god, no matter who worships her as one.

The fact that she had a family, once, even though she can no longer remember individual faces. 

Her youngest sister, whose laughter is the strongest still in her mind.

That she shouldn't take lives needlessly, even though mortals die so quickly anyway.

That no-one deserves to suffer for who they are.

Not to lie down and die for all eternity, even if it seems tempting at times.

That there are people she loves, and who love her.

After Lykon dies, Andromache vows never to forget that they are not truly invincible.

She wonders whether she had known so before in the past, the knowledge and the other immortals wiped away by time the same way so many mortal acquaintances of her have been.

She does not try to remember every single thing about Lykon, figuring that it is futile. But she remembers where he was from, that he was their friend, and that he died.

Memory exercises are a common past-time for her, now.

The fact that she loves Quynh, and Quynh loved her, is something she often lingers on once Quynh is gone.

When she can't find her lost love after decades and centuries apart, a part of her wishes that she hadn't focused all too hard on the curve of Quynh's jaw, on the laughter in her eyes, the touch of her hands on her skin. Part of her wishes she could forget all that now- that she wouldn't be haunted by nightmares of screams and the anguish on Quynh's face as they were torn apart.

Still, Andromache goes through every memory she has of Quynh whenever she remembers to. She wears Quynh's necklace day and night, and every time it moves she is reminded of her wife.

No matter how much it hurts, it is still better than the alternative.

So, every time she is alone, every time she can let down her guard or has an extra minute before she goes to sleep, she goes over her memories of Quynh. 

The first time she dreamt of her and didn't think it was a normal dream anymore.

How they met, how thin Quynh had been when she had carried her from the desert. How her bony frame had fit into her arms.

Falling in love with her.

Fighting side by side- she doesn't remember much of the early days, but she remembers what came from it: moving perfectly in sync, trusting the other to always be there.

She lets every memory play out in her mind, continuing where she had last left off and starting over again when she went throught them all.

Little things, too, feelings, stolen moments on the edges of battlefields, kisses and words of love and promise, every flash of memory she can get a hold of.

Their ceremony- they only did it once, not like Yusuf and Nico who get married and bonded and whatnot in every culture at least twice. Exchanging their items- Quynh's necklace, one of the only things she still had from her home, for Andromache's- her- her what?

One day, after a particularly gruelsome war, after months of fighting without much time to rest, when Andromache goes through her much-practiced list of memories about Quynh, she jerks up from her makeshift bed when she realizes that she doesn't know what she had given Quynh in return.

Whatever it was, the ocean will have destroyed it long ago if it hadn't already been lost before then.

When she still can't remember what it was after hours of frantically searching through her mind, Andromache feels a little part of herself die.

She is glad that she is not alone- Nico and Yusuf will wake her in the morning, remind her to keep living instead of simply being alive.

When they meet Sébastien le Livre, her mental state only gets worse.

Maybe it is true that misery needs company, but really, miserable company just creates more misery.

Some days, it feels like all her memories are overshadowed by grief, now.

Over the years, the changes in humanity become quicker, more obvious even while they happen instead of just being noticeable in hindsight.

New weapons are developed, new cruelties brought upon the people.

Through all of it, Quynh stays lost to her.

Trying to fight for humanity seems futile more often than not, and Andromache doesn't know whether or not she still wants to be alive.

If Booker could just stop dreaming of her wife! If she was gone, she could stop trying to make herself live.

She could lie down somewhere and die until it stuck.

As is, she has to keep fighting.

The world keeps turning.

It keeps not revolving around her.

When Copley sends them into a trap, Andromache feels cold fury clouding her mind.

Still, it feels _less_ somehow than it should be- like she is detatched from it, detatched from the world and her own reality.

Maybe she should have seen this coming.

Maybe she didn't fight too hard to stop it from happening.

But this isn't just about her, this is about Joe, Nicky and Booker, too- while it might not make much of a difference to her whether she is suffering in some laboratory or while living her life elsewhere, she doesn't wish that on either of them.

Then- A new immortal!

After the dream about the young woman's life, memories of similar moments flash through Andy's mind.

Quynh's desperation in the desert. Lykon's confusion, being so lost and alone. Nico and Yusuf, killing themselves over and over again. Booker and his family. She and Quynh, searching for all of the new ones... then earlier again, dreaming of Quynh, Quynh, _Quynh_.

All so terrified and disturbed by their new-found immortality.

Have they ever been happy? Has she ever been happy?

There are memories telling her she has, but she can't find the feeling to accompany them.

Now there is another one.

Cursed to the same terror.

Will it ever come to an end?

At that thought, something almost breaks in Andromache, and she has to force herself to keep going, to get to the new one, to stay alive- for Quynh.

Maybe she _did_ break then, after all: her immortality, the one thing that made her who she is, is gone.

There is no fight left in her.

Because she is mortal now? Or the other way around?

Either way, she can't make herself regret her mortality, not even for Quynh.

She feels terrible about it- like she is abandoning her love for good- but her wish for peace is stronger.

She has one last mission to go through, and it is to save Yusuf and Nicolò. If she dies in the process, so be it.

* * *

Nile comes to save them, in the end.

This girl- this woman from the modern world, shaped by today's culture, came back for them.

Maybe all is not lost for humanity, after all.

A memory flickers through Andromache's mind, and she doesn't have the time to linger on it in the middle of a fight, but she remembers Quynh, standing next to her, looking over a crowd of people- a marketplace, maybe, something in peaceful times- telling her how much she loves the world and all these people.

It has been a long time since Andy last agreed with this sentiment, but maybe she can start to believe again.

Even if she doesn't remember being a part of it.

Later that day, standing in front of the list of her accomplishments in Copley's flat, she realizes that she doesn't need to remember everything or connect the dots herself to see that she has done good for this world.

That she has done something to build, not just destroy.

Surrounded by her family and the not-so-dark ghosts of the past, she feels herself heal a little... although her body remains all-too-broken.

Soon, Andy learns to hate her mortality.

Sure, she still holds a grudge against life in general, too, but she isn't all that certain whether she really wants to die anymore. And to live while mortal- let's just say that it is definitely a downgrade from immortality.

There is so much pain, so many things she has to be careful with, so many things she can simply no longer do.

If she has felt old before the loss of her immortality, she feels absolutely ancient now.

Remembering Quynh becomes even harder, now that her body- and with it, her brain- no longer functions perfectly.

She vows to end it all should she ever forget about her entirely.

Still, despite all the dark thoughts, she learns to enjoy life again.

Laughing together with her family, the old and the new.

Teaching Nile all the things she needs to know, being useful to someone in a much more obvious way than the careful connections between fates that Copley had researched.

There are still parts of her existence she hates, but maybe, maybe she would like to be immortal again... not only to get rid of the pesky problems that come with mortality, but to truly live.

Then, Quynh returns, visiting her in the middle of the night while she is on the veranda by herself.

When Andy sees Quynh standing there in the moonlight, she simply can't hate life anymore.

If Quynh chooses to kill her, she still would not fight her, but if she chose to let her live...

She would welcome a second chance.

Life could be good again, if they're together.

"I remember you." Quynh's voice rings across the clearing.

"You should have looked for me."

Getting up from her seat and taking a tentative step forward, Andy slowly raises her hand in greeting.

She is ready to live again with her love by her side, even if she only has a mortal lifetime left.

Even if Quynh chooses to end it in seconds...

Except- would Quynh really want to end it? She doesn't know of her mortality-

Opening her mouth to speak, to warn her, Andy is interrupted by a knife imbedding itself in her chest.

When Andromache comes back to life, she is not alone.

She wakes to Quynh's arms around her, Quynh's hair blown into her face by the wind, her smell, posture and the way she is holding her burning itself into her memory- it is as if she had never forgotten a single detail about her at all, and every thought of death is forgotten.

"Welcome back, my love," Quynh whispers into her skin when Andy gasps for breath. "But do not think you are so easily forgiven."

Andromache has to laugh- loud and slightly hysterical, clinging to Quynh's arms when the other woman thinks she is being laughed at.

She has no idea how close she just came to losing her forever, she realises.

"I would never presume that," Andy gasps out when she has herself back under control. Tears are burning in her eyes and her throat feels thight, but she keeps talking through it. "I will do whatever it takes to make you believe me."

Getting up, Quynh nods, and, placated for now, offers her a hand to help her to her feet. "The others are inside?"

Andy nods, turning back to the house- but before she can go inside, Quynh pulls her back, into her arms and pressing their lips together in a fierce, heated kiss.

When they break apart, she smirks at her, and Andromache can't help noting that she clearly got that expression from herself- while she is smiling at her now, completely besotted.

"Hmmm" Quynh notes with a sly smile, "I do believe you will be able to convince me."

Then she walks past her into the house, leaving Andromache to scramble after her. Still, she is smiling- whatever Quynh has planned for them, she is willing and able to take it.

Over time, they will find their way to a new normal again, she is certain of it.

Together, until the end.

**Author's Note:**

> TWs: canon character death, suicidal thoughts, temporary mcd
> 
> If you liked this story, let me know! I was debating with myself whether I should make Quynh stop her or not, but in the end I wanted Andy's returned immortality be shown on-screen, and that required stabbing xD
> 
> What's your headcanon for Quynh's state of mind after the sea, and how do you hope they'll portray her if they'll (hopefully!!!) make a sequel?


End file.
